


A Questionable Relationship

by TheGreatGame



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (1963)
Genre: Also totally made up Time Lords, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Season 6B, but no sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-24
Updated: 2016-07-24
Packaged: 2018-07-26 10:07:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7570030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGreatGame/pseuds/TheGreatGame
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Three Time Lords of the Celestial Intervention Agency have called the Doctor and Jamie in for a meeting. The topic- the exact nature of the Doctor's relationship with his companion, and how it may affect their performance on missions. However, more information may be revealed during the discussion than was expected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Questionable Relationship

The three Time Lords watched the Doctor and Jamie fidget nervously from across the large, ornate table. The room they were in was huge, meant for meetings with crowds of officials about important, bureaucratic matters. Having only five people in it at one moment was incredibly eerie; at least, it was eerie for the Doctor and Jamie. Their Time Lord superiors had planned on that. It made their questioning all the more effective.

The three stony-faced Gallifreyans were not their bosses exactly, but they had the ability to cause specific punishments to befall them. 

"Doctor," Dungarth said, finally breaking the silence, "can you guess why we have called this meeting?"

"Well," the Doctor sighed, "I know it's not because you've liked our work so far and want to put stickers on our work files." His eyes brightened almost hopefully as he said this, but it was all for show. He could tell that the Time Lords in front of him did not want this meeting to end well.

Dungarth grimaced, and the thick, white scar on his cheek moved horribly. "Your references to Earth customs are tiring, Doctor. Although, I can't be surprised by them. After all, you begged and pleaded for..." He gestured to Jamie with his pencil. "... _him_ to join you for fifty years straight."

Jamie smiled ever so slightly. The Doctor saw and smiled back.

"In fact," said Enmega, "your human is the reason we're having this meeting at all." As he spoke, he pushed a long lock of brown, wavy hair away from his face. Unlike most other Time Lords Jamie had seen in the CIA, Enmega did not have a so-called "respectable" haircut.

"Why?" the Doctor asked. "Jamie hasn't done anything wrong ever since he was brought back to me."

"Aye," Jamie began, "I've been-"

"I'm afraid it's not that simple," said Kelath. Like almost every other Time Lord, she didn't mind ignoring Jamie when she wished. "Doctor, we have evidence to believe that your relationship with this human is... _questionable_ , at best."

The Time Lords were pleased to see a flash of worry pass across their faces, although Jamie's expression was mixed with confusion.

"Questionable?" the Doctor scoffed, recovering quickly. "There's no question about it! Jamie is a very dear friend to me, and he helps me greatly on my missions."

Jamie nodded. "That's true. Just yesterday, I defeated a galactic dictator in combat."

"You beat him in a petty trial exactly like the Earth sport known as 'arm wrestling'," said Kelath.

"Aye, but who has control of that nebula now?" Jamie proudly leaned back in his chair. "Not him."

The Doctor cleared his throat. "Yes, quite. Anyway, I can report with certainty that our mission success rate has raised 5% ever since I got Jamie back." He risked a sly chuckle. "And I know how much you love petty little numbers like those."

Enmega let out a small, wistful sigh, which earned him a well-aimed glare from Dungarth.

"Petty little numbers aside, Doctor," said Dungarth, "we were searching for more records of what you have done on your little trips throughout the universe before your capture, and we found some rather interesting security footage."

"Interesting footage?"

"Incriminating footage, more like," said Kelath.

"Interestingly incriminating footage," Enmega added.

" _Enmega_ ," Dungarth snapped.

"Sorry."

Dungarth reached under the table and pulled out a video disc. The sight of it sent shivers down the Doctor's and Jamie's spines.

"This is security footage we found from a janitor's closet aboard a star ship called _Saturday_. You left the ship five hours after you arrived, but you did some intriguing things in the interim."

The Doctor furrowed his eyebrows in thought. Jamie scratched his head.

" _Saturday_ ," said the Doctor. "Jamie, do you remember _Saturday_?"

"No, Doctor." Jamie snapped his fingers. "Wait! Wasn't it the ship where we fixed their, their, calling things?"

"Communications systems! Yes, I think I remember it now! We fixed the systems and, erm, oh. Oh. Oh my _word_."

The Doctor gulped at the sight of the video disc and twiddled his fingers. "I, ah, don't suppose you've watched that footage?"

"We had to," said Dungarth, and a harmless vein on the side of his head turned terrifying as it started to throb. "We had to watch fifteen rushed, disgusting minutes of you two performing acts that I'd rather see performed by wild beasts."

"From the noises they made," said Enmega, "they practically were."

The Doctor and Jamie turned nearly matching shades of red. Jamie was trembling with embarrassed anger.

"Even though we concluded that this horrifying evidence was enough," said Enmega, "we did a little more research and took the liberty of searching your TARDIS's data-"

There was a shocked and enraged gasp from the Doctor.

"- specifically, the data it used for cleaning and maintaining your bedroom when your human was with you. Not only did we find that you both shared the room for a period of time, but we found an interesting set of clothing that belongs to the human, Jamie."

"Oh Lord," Jamie muttered, his head in his hands.

"I believe it would be called a..." He unfolded a piece of paper. "Oh, yes. A Highlander stripping outfit."

For a few moments, the silence was so thick with embarrassment, disgust, and pure awkwardness that it could have been carved with the knife Jamie felt like using on the smug bastards in front of him.

"Well, erm, what does that have to do with our missions now?" the Doctor asked as he wiped his sweating forehead. "This happened quite a long time ago."

"Doctor, be reasonable," said Kelath. "On one level, we have the moral duty to stop a fellow Time Lord from performing such-"

" _Filth!_ "

"Dungarth, please. We can not peacefully allow that to happen. We also can not let one of our agents perform any assigned missions if it means the continuation of this type of behavior."

"This doesn't mean you're taking Jamie away?" the Doctor gasped.

Jamie grabbed the Doctor's arm protectively, or perhaps fearfully. "I'll not leave him, you hear me? You're not getting in my head again!"

"McCrimmon!" snapped Kelath. "Please calm yourself."

"Get your hands off him before you make me sick," Dungarth sneered.

"There is a way that we will agree to let Jamie stay with you, Doctor. As you said yourself, these... acts happened years ago. And it seems that even though you two still share a bedroom, no such acts have occurred since Jamie's arrival onto your TARDIS."

"Basically _,"_ said Enmega _,_ "if you can assure us that you and your human ex-lover are not committing, and will not commit, disgusting sexual atrocities, and that these successful missions will continue, then we will let things stay as they are." He smirked. "After all, we do love petty little numbers."

The Doctor and Jamie continued to blush and fidget, although there was a different level to it now. Now, there was more shame, more blame towards themselves for why things weren't as heated as they were. Even though they were already in a conversation about their past sexual lives, it somehow became a little more personal.

"You don't have to worry about it," said the Doctor. "Our days of rushed, heated events in closets are, ah, at an end."

"Aye," said Jamie. "Nothing anymore."

"In fact, those fifty years I spent begging for Jamie to return to my side, I didn't even expect to restart our, ahem, sex life. I simply wanted him here because he's a wonderful, intelligent, loyal human being." The Doctor looked lovingly at Jamie, and smiled. "And all the time he's been back, I've been ever so happy."

Now, Jamie was blushing for a different reason, but he smiled along with the Doctor. "And I as well." _You wee daftie_ , he added mentally.

Kelath and Enmega watched this indifferently. Dungarth continued to look like he wanted to vomit and somehow strangle the Doctor and Jamie while maintaining a respectful composure.

"We'll be keeping a closer eye on security footage," said Kelath, "but we'll let Jamie stay with you."

"Thank you," said the Doctor. "We're very grateful. But would it be too much to ask if you didn't check our TARDIS data again? I believe I do have privacy rights that I could bring up."

Kelath sighed. "Yes, you do. And we'll stop, at least until we next suspect inappropriate behavior between you and your human companion."

"That won't be necessary."

Once they were granted permission to  leave, the Doctor and Jamie got up and started to leave the meeting room. However, they stopped only a moment later.

"One question, Doctor," said Enmega, seemingly out of pure curiosity. "Why aren't you and your human engaging in inappropriate activities any more?"

"Well," said the Doctor, shyly glancing at his feet.

"Sadly," Jamie began, scratching the back of his neck.

"The honest truth is..."

"It's just that..."

"... Jamie isn't attracted to me any more."

"... he just cannae get it up."

Both of them turned to each other with horrified expressions.

" _What?!_ "

***

After the Doctor and Jamie had managed to excuse their different answers to their superiors, they found themselves in a rather heated discussion back on board the TARDIS.

"What do you mean I'm not attracted to you any more, you daft wee man?"

"What do _I_ mean? What do _you_ mean when you say I can't achieve an erection?"

"You don't have to sound so mad about it, Doctor Sex-Doesn't-Matter."

"I believe I do have a right to be mad! Why in time and space would you think that?"

Jamie growled and couldn't quite meet the Doctor's eye. "Well, I get back to the TARDIS after having my memories brought back to me, only to find that you're a lot older now. You don't bring up sex for a long time, so I just... assumed."

"Assumed?" said the Doctor, his arms crossed and his cheeks puffed out in irritation.

"Aye. I mean, most men, when they get older, they find that they can't," Jamie gestured feebly with his hands, "quite get as excited as they used to. It's not like I was mad or anything. It's perfectly normal."

The Doctor wasn't satisfied. "I don't bring up sex, so you assume sexual incompetence?"

"Well, why else didn't you?" Jamie exclaimed. "I was fine that you didn't, I was more happy to see you, but how could you think that I'm not attracted to you?"

"It's like you said," said the Doctor. "I'm a lot older now."

"You were always old," said Jamie.

"Yes, but not visibly. Or at least, not visibly that old until now." The Doctor now looked sad instead of angry. He ran a hand through his greying hair. "I always thought you deserved someone younger. Someone more beautiful. I suppose I just thought you wouldn't want such an old man like me."

Jamie was silent for a moment. He didn't say anything until he had closed the space between him and the Doctor and wrapped his arms over the Doctor's shoulders.

"You're ridiculous," he muttered.

"I know."

"I'm glad I'm with you now."

"You mean it?"

Jamie kissed the Doctor, softly, sweetly.

"Aye."

The Doctor held Jamie tighter to him and gave a happy sigh. They stayed like that for a while, resting together in a brief period of tranquility. It was only them for now, only them and their love for each other, and they were perfectly content with that.

"Do you want me to get the costume out?" asked Jamie.

"My word, _yes_."


End file.
